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Transform

September 3, 2010

 To transform, to change, become new
Easy to say, so hard to do

Wandering, searching, looking to be happy
Reaching, almost capturing, then falling back

Change boils up from somewhere deep
Trying to escape, to break free

I feel it, almost know it
It teases, hovers elusively, dances flirtatiously

There is darkness, it’s so heavy
There is lightness, it’s so fleeting

I think try harder, spread wide
Easy to say, so hard to do

Head over to Making Things Up to find links to all the Six Word Friday participants or to join in yourself!

 

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A soft place to land

September 2, 2010

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and I were sitting on our back porch enjoying a lazy summer afternoon. My youngest was blissfully napping, there was a gentle breeze and the faint rustle of leaves. All was quiet except for the sounds of my son’s tag reader. The two of us relaxed together reading our respective books.

I stopped and watched him for a moment. My heart swelled with love and joy. We had reached that point, the point where we could relax companionably in each other’s company. I was struck by how much he has grown up, how much he has changed, seemingly overnight.

My mind started to wander as he focused on discovering his books. I inevitably considered some big, impending changes including the one where my little boy starts on ta big adventure called school.

 Life has a way of moving forward even when we aren’t completely paying attention. Until recently I haven’t focused much on the fact that he is soon to be a student – the first of many roles he will play in his life.  His days will be filled with more than just play. He will be learning, in a formal way. He’s embarking on a journey of a lifetime, an odyssey of responsibility.

We’re just a week away from his first day and I feel torn. Torn between excitment and sadness for him, apprehension and exhiliration for me. Everything will change. In good ways, and I’m certain some in bad for he will now be exposed to influences completely beyond my control, peer influences.

I know that similar emotions run through the hearts and minds of mothers everywhere.  We must let our children grow up, it’s important that we trust them in the world. But we must also provide a safety net of comfort that they can come home to and guidance to help them navigate all these new influences.

And so, though everything will change, much will stay the same. He still needs me, perhaps more than ever. I will be here to hug him, to encourage him, to provide a soft place to land when he needs it. I will wrap my heart with an armour so that I don’t let worry and fear guide me.

 I will be brave , just as I expect him to be brave.

This post is part of Bigger Picture Moments, a series where bloggers step back from the hectic, mind boggling pace of the day, pace of life, and take in the hugeness that is life and the small moments adding up to one bigger picture. Visit Undercover Mother to join in this week or to read other posts by fantastic bloggers.

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Big girl blog

August 31, 2010

Welcome to my brand new space! Coffees & Commutes has finally grown up and I’m excited to share it. This is a space to be proud of, a space to delight in. Just a few weeks ago I went to BlogHer ’10 in a simple quest to find inspiration and a renewed enthusiasm for blogging. I hadn’t lost [...]

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Zen in the most unexpected place

August 25, 2010

When we were first dating I didn’t know. I didn’t know about my husband’s love of motorcycles. I’m not sure how that happened, how it never came up in conversation, but it didn’t. Or at least not that I can remember. Maybe I was so focused on impressing and charming him that I chose to [...]

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Behind the blog

August 24, 2010

My friend Shannon (yes we are, as the saying goes, “in real life” friends) from Comments from a Non-Blogger tagged me in this meme. I actually appreciate a good meme because they provide an opportunity to learn things about a favourite blogger that she or he might not otherwise think to share. As simple as [...]

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Finding stability and learning to coast

August 22, 2010

I recently loaned my copy of Life After Yes by Aidan Donnelly Rowley to a friend. As I packed it up to take with me, I took a moment to thumb through and read the passages I had underlined and made notes on for the Motherese book club. I came across this passage: This is how happiness comes-in small [...]

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The best

August 20, 2010

I’ve been on vacation with boys Two energetic, enthusiastic and loud boys You’ll remember I worried about it Feared our days would be long Now, come the end, I’m surprised By the unexpected joy and contentment The best summer had to offer  Head over to Making Things Up to find links to all the Six Word Friday participants [...]

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Following in his father’s footsteps

August 18, 2010

My husband has a crazy love of shoes. He’ll tell you he doesn’t, but trust me he does. He also loves to shop (yes, I’m a lucky woman), though mostly for shoes. The other night we were out for a walk in a pedestrian mall. He was arguing that he doesn’t have a fetish for [...]

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To play or not to play

August 15, 2010

I’m on vacation again this week. This time because my boys are between daycares. Our beloved provider is going back to school and in a few days my boys will start with a new child care provider. While that is a stress of its own, this post is about an entirely different stress-that which I [...]

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This much I know

August 13, 2010

I’m not perfect, only perfectly human. I still have lessons to learn. I have so much to give. Want to share and be loved. I’m searching. I’m digging. I’m discovering.  I won’t make progress alone, individually.  I need help, kindness, and understanding. Serenity I believe is just being. But being is work, always work. Head over to Making Things Up to [...]

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