Things that once were are no longer. I’m wondering if walking away is the answer. It seems avoidable and yet necessary all at the same time. I am a person of absolutes. And I don’t like that about myself. What I didn’t want to be has become. I promised myself I wouldn’t let it, but here I am. Disenchanted.
It took me by surprise, snuck up behind me when I least expected it, and knocked me sideways. I’m trying hard to regain my footing while wondering how I let myself get here. Why is my life such that the ebbs and flows feel so dramatic? Why can’t life just be for a little while?
I suppose because it’s my nature. I over-analyze. I feel intensely. I’m emotional. I dwell. I struggle to move beyond. And my life is moving. I just can’t keep up.
There are decisions to be made. Some easy, some hard. Some obvious, some unknown. But lots of them.
The next few weeks will bring huge change. Am I ready? No. Should I worry about more? No. And yet, I feel as though there are more decisions to be made. Important ones. Important to me at least.
I’m unsettled, wondering which way to go next.
Image: Crossroads via a Creative Commons license.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I dread change and am treading water in the midst of some of it right now as well. I don't have any solutions to offer, merely the knowledge that you're not alone in this fear. I hope the rest of the week unfolds as smoothly as possible, and just know I'm thinking about you.
Oh Christine! I've been to caught up in my own nonsense and have gotten so far behind with reading blogs, however, again it is so strange to then chose to read your blog today. The thoughts in my head exactly in your blog post.
Life is so influx right now. The line of just being, truly resonates with me. I wish you lived closer so we could go for coffee and have a chat like old girlfriends and figure it all out.
Good luck. Stick with your gut. You know what to do.
Oh, it really saddens me to read this, Christine. After all of the progress you made in your journey and how happy and content you had been. But I guess that's life, right? There are ups and downs that we can't predict and we can't always stay at one end or the other. Keep working on it, keep thinking/talking/writing it through and you will make the right decisions for you and for your family. Take the time that you need to process everything. You are emotional but also very strong and you will get through this and will move beyond these feelings. Hugs to you, my friend. xo
Yikes. Thinking about you. It's not fun to be in an impasse…ever. Trust that whatever direction you choose will be forward. To quote the Quakers, "I am holding you in the light."
Christine! I would give you a big hug if I were closer. You will survive. Change is almost a given these days.
I often dread change and then once I'm within it, once it has encircled me, I find it exciting.
All will be ok. I have a lot of change staring me in the face too. I hope you can find peace and comfort…
Love you. That is all.
I am a person of absolutes too. It is hard for me to just let things flow. I want facts and to make decisions based on them. I hope whatever you are struggling with gets worked out to your liking and soon. I know for me the worrying/stressing part always makes the change worse. {hugs}
I know what you mean by writing a vague post – I did that once to help me through a situation. I wrote it because I had to let it out. After all, it was my space for my own thoughts. But I couldn't bring myself to include details because it would not have been right. Yet it gave me some comfort to be able to share what little I could.
I hope this provides you some cathartic relief, even if it doesn't aid you in the momentum of your journey.
Please know we are all here for you. *Hugs*
I overanalyze too. Crossroads are scary places for me, I easily get stuck in my own thoughts. I feel for you in that place. But you will find your course.
"I over-analyze. I feel intensely. I'm emotional. I dwell."
This is so me. I tend to tell myself that there is not point in worrying about something you can do nothing about. Sometimes that helps.
There are times when I like the fact that my life is so busy because then I don't have the time to dwell and over-analyze. The quiet is worse.
I feel you! I keep trying to think that right now is exciting because of all the possibility…sometimes it even works
The idea to just be…such a nice concept
You'll get there, again
I'm right there with you as well. I think something needs to change, but I'm just not sure. I like stability, I'm a creature of habit, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I hope you get things figured out better than I have.
Hi Christine, sending you a big virtual hug. Know that you're not alone in your uncertainty.
It's hard to offer advice not knowing the exact situation which I can appreciate if personal is not something to share, not everything can or should be blogged about. So all I can say is that the best thing to do is try and step out of your own shoes and walk away to a different place. Then look at everything from a distance and try to think what you would advise in this situation if it were not you but someone you love and care for addressing it.
Hugs to you. My life has ebbed and flowed in ways I did not expect; some ways good some ways not so good at the time. It all has made me ME. Throw in a few surprises and a lot of maturing also. My life in these later years of mine is still changing and I'm thankful to be alive for it to do so.
Sorry, babe. I hope you find some stasis soon so that you can catch your breath and restock your resources. My heart is with you.
Your process of self-knowledge is probably what brought you to this place. I'm sorry for whatever pain there is, but I wish you the best as you move through it.
Sending you positive vibes and hugs Christine. Difficulties always challenge our perceptions, reactions and actions, but know that you are not alone in this journey.
I don't know exactly what's going on here, but I'm thinking of you all the same. I hope you find some answers, and some peace.
We are sisters in that I could have written most of this post myself – and it would have been about me. I wrote a vague post just the other day because sometimes it's not possible, or is too painful, to delve into specifics. My heart is with you on your journey to self-discovery and peace.
Thanks for this beautifully written post.
……….cj
The way out is through so please don't beat yourself up when you're walking through challenges. Good luck and may peace be with you.
Life is never stationary, even when we think it is. The ground underneath us is constantly moving. It's just more obvious when the plates of our life collide and quake.
Hang in there…
I so hope that things start calming down for you and you feel at peace again. Crossroads are tough. Change is tough. You are astrong and will make it but still, know that Iam thinking of you!
Cyber hugs. I know they're not much but it's all I have. That, and you knowing that you are in my thoughts.
It will be okay. It's never easy, but things will all work out, just as they are supposed to. (Or, as my Grandma says, It'll all come out in the wash.)
Thinking of you, sending good vibes your way.
I wish there were a roadmap for times like these. Instead, there are only hugs and support from across the miles, and we are all sending you those.
Echoing Justine and hoping this brought you some clarity. I'm an email away if you want to talkerrr write in depth and need a listening ear or some feedback.
FWIW, I think that blogging is one of the most effective ways we have for dealing with stress. It serves as a great resource for determining what is bothering us and how we might overcome whatever challenges we face.
I so get this!!! I can't just go with the flow, at least not for more than a day when I'm in a particularly good place emotionally. Someone in fact commented today on a post that what I'm going through doesn't have to be so "complicated and dramatic." But apparently, it does. Because that's what I'm like. And big changes make me even more complicated and dramatic. Anyway, sorry to ramble, just wanted to say that I get it.